just me

Well folks, I know it has been the festive season and everything, but I must admit I am a little disappointed by people's responses out there. It is an unfortunate thing but my life currently is a tad reclusive. Looking to widen my horizons I set up my own website, to which you are all welcome to visit. Going a step further I started my own blogs. The response I have had are two very encouraging and one severely critical. For the new year I am trying to write an average of at least a thousand words per day. Now then, this is where you folks come in, ladies especially, (it is my lesbian leanings), mainly I write with the goal of my short stories being for women. Ok, what does it for you? No matter if it seems ordinary, or strange, or different, whatever. I need fresh ideas. You can message via the blog site, or visit my web pages, 'Brenda Dawns personal pages' or http://www.brendadawn.org/ should find me. If you do visit, comments on the short stories there are welcome. Hopefully i will transfer a few more over soon.

Sitting here at the keyboard I am trying to not give way to a fit of giggles. I received an e mail from a very irate lady. it seems she sawmy blog where I mentioned about massage. Oh tut tut, I suggested it should be done naked. To compound the felony this woman then decided to check out my website. Shock, horror, my own history, which I am openly honest about, condemns me. The stories I have put out there, for everyone's enjoyment, this dear woman considers them debased. why? well, I pictured women, throwing off their clothes and dancing, out of doors too, if you please! it appears that I am treating women and their bodies with contempt, that I am preaching immorality, lewdness and depravity. Wow, I am impressed.
Now then, for a start, my life is my life. I have fought long and hard to get where I am today. It has come at a high price. There are still big gaps, especially when it comes to relationships. Unfortunately I find dealing with people scary. When it comes to things sexual then things are very difficult. Check out my website for yourselfs and you may understand why. One thing I am not though is some puritanical, narrow minded prude. It comes hard sometimes but I try to accept all people as they are. The stories I have written are for the pleasure of others. It is a giving of myself, a gift if you will. Now then, my first story was sheer fantasy, a fantasy someone once shared with me. The second story is the same. However, I would agree it needs work done on it. It is bitty and fails to run smoothly. Suggestions would be welcome please. The third story was my special baby. I worked long and hard on that one. This woman has been especially critical of this particular story. Why? Because, in her words I am promoting paganism! Whoa there a moment the story revolves around Avril, who, as I have indicated in the story, is Wicca. Slightly different conotation altogether. The fact that she worships nature, talks to trees, dances naked etc. Oh how, awful how terrible. Rubbish woman. I stand by what I have written. the story of Avril is a melding of fantasy, of believe and historical fact. A question I would like to put to this dear lady, why, if you thought my blog was distasteful, did you venture to my website? Also, I would ask, having got to website, why did you spend so much time, not only reading my own personal history, but going on and reading all three of my stories? You condemn me but I would go as far as to suggest there is something very hypocritical in your condemnation. If you have no liking for my ways then so be it. But at least I am honest and upfront about myself, warts and all. Point a finger at me and you have three pointing back at yourself. Judge not lest ye be judged.Oh and by the way, I have danced naked out of doors, have swam naked in wild mountain pools and have enjoyed every moment of. The naked body is a thing of beauty, there should be no shame in it. Oh and by the way, I have more stories lined up. Indeed, if when follk contact me then I shall write them too.

hello there, wishing everyone a happy new year.
Today is a quiet day, sitting here on my own in my tiny shoe box of a flat. Several times I have gone through the short stories I have documented. Really, i want to get them out on to my web site. Somehow though, I cannot settle. I really need fresh ideas and am hoping some folk will visit soon and e mail me with their suggestions. One e mail I did recieve, unfortunatly they only wanted a few ideas themselves concerning massage. For me massage is an intensly private thing. here I am talking about massage between two people that are close. Intimate massage, sensual, using using assential oils, massage that involves the whole body. Contrary to some people's concepts, alcohol should not be taken. it counteracts the effect of the oils. Candles, scented, a warm room, ideally it should be done naked, but the comfort of the receiver is essential.The one administering maybe ought to wear a loose wrap. Phones, turn them off. Allow time, guys, giving massage can be sexy, however, concentrate on your partner, curb your own feelings. Give of yourself and give lovingly. Begin at the extremities of the body. Before even starting, relax, make sure your hands are warm and supple. Approach your partner slowly, reverently and gently.
But hey, people get out there and experiment, give your partner a treat, spice up your love life and enjoy.

I look forward to hearing from you, and for want of repeating myself, you are welcome to visit my web pages.

Well I have finally commited to my website one of my more difficult short stories.I do not consider myself anything in the way of a great writer, mediocre maybe? Certainly I enjoy putting words to paper. For me, (I do not know about others who dabble) it is at times a labour. It involves emotions, feelings, I cannot write coldly, it is a giving of myself, if I may put it that way. This particular piece I was asked to write by someone. For sometime I wrestled with it, nurtured it, saw it develop and grow and take shape. it evolved, at times something would come to me and I would allow it to go around and around in my head. It would be written down, shifted, altered until I felt it was in the best place. Maybe I sound strange, this particualr story has areas I am aware of, re the highland clearances. This is taken up in the second part. Such places do exist. I have been in glens that are deserted, empty and possessing an aura of sadness. Writing with my emotions can be difficult. I admit to shedding tears. As I have already mentioned, this was written by request. Someone had asked, 'write something for me'. Like giving a gift, I did so and she was pleased. Please free to nip over and visit my web pages. indeed, I would welcome some feed back on this one. Brenda Dawns personal pages will find me on google. My http thingy is here too. Guys, if you visit please respect my feelings. Thanks folks.

Well people, google seemed to have lost me but I know I am still on yahoo and other search engines. Http://www.brendadawn.org/
Ladies, I need fresh ideas on writing material. maybe it is my lesbian nature but I certainly enjoy writing for women. So hey, contact me, give me a suggestion, something that happened, a fantasy, whatever and I will endevour to write a story around it and put it out on the net. No real names used etc. Think of it, your own story written just for you.

Well I have finally commited to my website one of my more difficult short stories.I do not consider myself anything in the way of a great writer, mediocre maybe? Certainly I enjoy putting words to paper. For me, (I do not know about others who dabble) it is at times a labour. It involves emotions, feelings, I cannot write coldly, it is a giving of myself, if I may put it that way. This particular piece I was asked to write by someone. For sometime I wrestled with it, nurtured it, saw it develop and grow and take shape. it evolved, at times something would come to me and I would allow it to go around and around in my head. It would be written down, shifted, altered until I felt it was in the best place. Maybe I sound strange, this particualr story has areas I am aware of, re the highland clearances. This is taken up in the second part. Such places do exist. I have been in glens that are deserted, empty and possessing an aura of sadness. Writing with my emotions can be difficult. I admit to shedding tears. As I have already mentioned, this was written by request. Someone had asked, 'write something for me'. Like giving a gift, I did so and she was pleased. Please free to nip over and visit my web pages. indeed, I would welcome some feed back on this one. Brenda Dawns personal pages will find me on google. My http thingy is here too. Guys, if you visit please respect my feelings. Thanks folks.

Well I have finally commited to my website one of my more difficult short stories.I do not consider myself anything in the way of a great writer, mediocre maybe? Certainly I enjoy putting words to paper. For me, (I do not know about others who dabble) it is at times a labour. It involves emotions, feelings, I cannot write coldly, it is a giving of myself, if I may put it that way. This particular piece I was asked to write by someone. For sometime I wrestled with it, nurtured it, saw it develop and grow and take shape. it evolved, at times something would come to me and I would allow it to go around and around in my head. It would be written down, shifted, altered until I felt it was in the best place. Maybe I sound strange, this particualr story has areas I am aware of, re the highland clearances. This is taken up in the second part. Such places do exist. I have been in glens that are deserted, empty and possessing an aura of sadness. Writing with my emotions can be difficult. I admit to shedding tears. As I have already mentioned, this was written by request. Someone had asked, 'write something for me'. Like giving a gift, I did so and she was pleased. Please free to nip over and visit my web pages. indeed, I would welcome some feed back on this one. Brenda Dawns personal pages will find me on google. My http thingy is here too. Guys, if you visit please respect my feelings. Thanks folks.

Sitting here tapping away at the keys I wonder who will actually read any of this, who will be bothered, will anyone respond?
Going through my e mails this morning I found one from someone who had visited my website. It was a vitriolic tirade against people like myself, 'sick, twisted, depraved' where some of the more readable comments. No, I did not respond, just deleted. It could be said that the guy who sent it was probably immature and had nothing better to do. though I do question, why visit my website in the first place?
Anger is something I know plenty about, I have experienced a lot of it. Indeed, I would confess that I am myself an angry and bitter person. Growing up in institutions, as I did from about 7 yrs old, places that where often violent and hostile places , can most certainly affect your outlook on life. At one place school sports where compulsary, I refused, just stood rooted to the spot and refused to budge. This was in Scotland, I was marched off to the head master, the cane was not used, instead a thick leather strap was applied. First to the hands which left the wrists swollen and bleeding. After a few times I was bent over a desk and had the strap applied to a bare rear end. Unofficially my education finished when I ended my early teens. Probably folk gave up on me.
It has been a long road to get to where I am today. There are still big gaps in my life. Often I feel that I am standing on the edge of society looking in. Relations are extremely difficult. it has been many years since I was last involved in any form of relationship. That goes for sex too. Indeed, I cannot remember what it is like to hold someone, to kiss, to touch and cherish someone and that does affect me.
Oh I have tried to bridge the gap but in many respects your early years, your upbringing, shapes your future. At this time of the year I feel at my lowest ebb. However, I plod on trying to make sense of this world, attempting to shape things for a better future. After some years of study I have gained a BA hons degree am gradually adjusting to a fresh start. If anyone reads these ramblings, drop by and say hello. Thanks.
thank you to those folk who have responed

As I sit here sifting through old paperwork I feel blue. That, in many ways is normal for me over Christmas. For some it can be a lonesome time.
It is funny really, going through these old memories how sometimes I want to keep them and yet have to let them go. Photos of the old me running the London marathon, my photo as I cross the finish line, my time recorded, 3hr 29,14. Old notes from someone I once knew. She was a fascinating woman, a free spririt. In her words she descibed herself as pagan. Her beliefs and ideals different from many peoples maybe, but to be repected. I recall a hot summers day, we were walking through woodland, a quiet place. We came to a clearing, her reverence for the some of the old, gnarled trees there was touching . She seemed unmindful of me and I sat down quietly out of the way as she shed her clothes and sky danced, giving vent to her inner feelings, untrammelled by modern day conventions. Some, I suppose would scoff or mock but to be honest, I was quite moved by it and in a way, priviledged.
Based on some of her beliefs I have written a short story. It is an area I had never broached before but I am quietly pleased with it. Those that have read it have been complimentary. Sometime I will post it to my website and see how the wider world react to it.
Hopefully I will pick up on my writing again. At the moment I lack impetus, so ladies pop over to my website, give me some feedback, some ideas. You can always look up 'brendadawns personal pages' on google.
In the meantime enjoy the rest of the Christmas period.

As I sit here sifting through old paperwork I feel blue. That, in many ways is normal for me over Christmas. For some it can be a lonesome time.
It is funny really, going through these old memories how sometimes I want to keep them and yet have to let them go. Photos of the old me running the London marathon, my photo as I cross the finish line, my time recorded, 3hr 29,14. Old notes from someone I once knew. She was a fascinating woman, a free spririt. In her words she descibed herself as pagan. Her beliefs and ideals different from many peoples maybe, but to be repected. I recall a hot summers day, we were walking through woodland, a quiet place. We came to a clearing, her reverence for the some of the old, gnarled trees there was touching . She seemed unmindful of me and I sat down quietly out of the way as she shed her clothes and sky danced, giving vent to her inner feelings, untrammelled by modern day conventions. Some, I suppose would scoff or mock but to be honest, I was quite moved by it and in a way, priviledged.
Based on some of her beliefs I have written a short story. It is an area I had never broached before but I am quietly pleased with it. Those that have read it have been complimentary. Sometime I will post it to my website and see how the wider world react to it.
Hopefully I will pick up on my writing again. At the moment I lack impetus, so ladies pop over to my website, give me some feedback, some ideas. You can always look up 'brendadawns personal pages' on google.
In the meantime enjoy the rest of the Christmas period.

Hello, quite a few folk ask what a transgender is. There are quite a few variations. But, in the main a lot are like eme. The clinical term is gender disphoric. That, basically is a situation where you feel certain you are in the wrong body. For example, as I grew up I was identified as a bloke. However, I was never comfortable with that. The way I thought, the way I felt, interacted with people etc was as a woman. For me in particular, growing up in a strongly male enviroment, that was hell. Eventually, after many years of struggle I was finnaly put under a gender clinic. The immediate diagnosis was severe gender disorder. From there things got interesting. To prove your sincerity in wanting to change gender, one has to go through a long process of transition. this is deliberate because some people have got it wrong. To start with you have to change roles and begin living as a female. try and imagine going into work as a bloke and announcing that in future you will be working as a woman and wish to be looked upon as such. The look of horror on one manager's face was a picture. 'you're not coming into work wearing a skirt' was her first words. Now though it is accepted. My policy has always been to be open, honest and up front about it. Hostility, sure, I met some. Using your local shops,, all your local inviroment in your chosen gender can be dfficult too. Written proof must be supplied to the gender clinic that you are staying in your new role. After a time hormones are started. They have health risks, heart, liver, deep vein thrombosis etc. Emotionally they create havoc. It has been described as a cross between puberty and the menopause. Deed pole for change of name, passport, bank details all have to be changed etc. It is a major learning curve.
For those of you who want to know more of my background or to read my short stories, (more to be posted) nip over to my website, or try 'brenda dawns personal pages' on google.
Unfortunately my social life is zilch and around this time of year can be hard ging.
So my plea to you folks out there is be nice to someone over Christmas. You would be surprised what a smile can do. Better still, give somebody a hug or a kiss, let somebody know you care. Thanks people.
Oh, and if anyone wants to contact me, ask questions etc, please free to do so. Have a good one.xx